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DelinquentYour English teacher called today and said you skipped class twice last week; when you go to school on Wednesday, you owe the teacher a written and an oral apology; don’t turn your head when I’m talking to you; get that frown off your face; go upstairs and clean your room after you wash the dishes; next time you try to sneak in after curfew, be sure that you don’t make too much noise, because that way I won’t have to get up and ground you; sweep the kitchen floor before you mop it; is it true Michael Lee stole his mother’s car while she was at work?; always walk in such a way that when you walk pass someone you don’t bump them; on Sunday try to act like a gentleman and not the juvenile delinquent you are so set on becoming; don’t hang with people who steal; you mustn’t speak to trashy girls, not even to offer assistance; don’t make fun of people on the street-bad things might happen to you; but I don’t hang with people who steal at all, especially from their mother; this is how you pour powder potpourri on the floor; this how to vacuum the floor to pick up the powder potpourri; this is how you use a belt when your pants are falling down and so to prevent yourself from looking like the juvenile delinquent I know you are so set on becoming; this is how you clean the mirror so that it doesn’t have streaks; this is how you clean the glass tables so they don’t have streaks; this is how you spray starch-about six to ten inches away from the pants, because starch tends to leave flakes; when you get out of school Thursday, make sure you come straight home or else you will be late for your anger management class; this is how you steal a car stereo; this is how you steal a whole car; this is how you steal car rims; these are the consequences you have to suffer for stealing; this is how you treat someone who you know doesn’t like you; this is how you treat someone you know you don’t like; this is how you treat someone who you like very much; this is how you dress for church; this is how you dress for school; this is how you dress when you have an interview with an important person; this is how you dress for work; this is how you dress for a party; this is how you act around people who don’t know you, because this way they won’t see right away the juvenile delinquent that I have constantly tried to stop you from becoming; I told you about mumbling under your breath, even if what I’m saying is pissing you off; don’t look away from me when I’m talking to you-you’re not talking to the walls, you know; don’t sleep with every little hot mama you come across-you just might catch something you don’t want; don’t frown every time I tell you something, because it might come in handy for you one day; this is how you treat a woman; this is how you treat your mother; this is how you treat your friends; this is how you treat your friends who turn on you; this is how you treat people who don’t know you; this is the what you say and how you act towards a female; this is what you say and how you act towards a female you like, and that way she doesn’t dislike you before you open your mouth or do something stupid; this is how to get out of a fight; this is how to win a fight if you get into one; this is how you act when you fall in love with a woman, and if you act differently don’t feel bad, because there is more than one way to love a woman; this is how you restrain from saying smart remarks, and this is how to move quick so you won’t get hit when you say something smart; this is how to make money; always try to marry a preacher’s daughter; but what if the preacher won’t let me marry his daughter?; you mean you’re going to be one of those guys the preacher won’t let see his daughter?
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